So we’ve talked sex 🤣 Now let’s talk healthy communication with your spouse! I’m now thinking we probably should’ve discussed this first 🤣😂 but nonetheless I’m giving y’all 5 things I’ve learned on healthy communication with husbae over the past 13 years💃🏽
1. DON’T ATTACK!
I used to start out addressing things with Aaron by having a list of all the things I felt like he was doing wrong! 😩 It would go something like YOU DID THIS and YOU DID THAT 🤣😂 Accompanied with my list of problems was also a bad attitude and tone😩🤣 Y’all I was awful. LMBO! Aaron if you are reading this shout out to you boo🤣 I’ve found that when you use the word YOU and you have an attitude, it immediately feels like an attack. So change your words! Don’t start off with YOU. Y’all in all honestly, most of the time our spouses are not 100% responsible for issues that arise in our marriages. Stop placing blame and start taking accountability! And next, don’t have an attitude when you are about to address an issue. Which leads me to my next tip!
2. MAKE SURE THE TIME IS RIGHT!
Y’all timing is everything when it comes to communicating! If you are extremely irritated, have an attitude and you can’t communicate without yelling or saying some really hurtful words… WALK AWAY 🗣 It’s just that simple. Know yourself enough to know you may need to wait 24 hours before addressing an issue. I’m super emotional and I talk passionately (some people see it as aggressive 🤣 I beg to differ 🤣) So I know when I’m offended I need a moment to gather my thoughts so I can express myself without regretting it!
3. BE A GOOD LISTENER!
Y’all being 100% transparent, I’m still working on this! 😩 I can be a sort of distracted person. I have a trillion things I’m doing and I’m thinking about all at once. It is very common for me to have my phone out texting, scrolling on social media and responding to comments all while trying to have a conversation 😩 So for me being a good listener means me putting my phone in another room! Yes another room so I’m not tempted to just pick it up 🤣 Something I have conquered in this area is I no longer listen just to respond. I would literally be coming up with rebuttals as Aaron would be talking which means I wasn’t listening to understand him. Once I started listening to truly understand him our communication skills changed drastically! 🙌🏾
4. BE HONEST!
Whew y’all so depending on the kind of spouse you have this can be a bit challenging. However it’s so important for you to be completely honest with your spouse so that you don’t harbor resentment or become bitter due to unresolved issues. Now what I mean by depending on what kind of spouse you have is that if you are the spouse who gets easily offended and you react in a way that makes your spouse unsure of whether they can tell you stuff I’m screaming to you DON’T BE THAT SPOUSE🗣Your spouse should honestly be able to tell you anything however I do understand that because Aaron & I have been married quite a while that level of honesty is something we’ve had to grow to. My advice though is still be able to receive any information your spouse is giving you. When your spouse is able to be completely transparent with you, your whole marriage will change🙌🏾
5. COME UP WITH PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS!
This is MAJOR in communication. When an issue arises try your hardest to come up with a compromise that works for both of you. When Aaron & I first got married he had a more traditional mindset of how our household should’ve been ran based of his experience and other peoples views. He was raised with a stay-at-home momma who cleaned and cooked 24/7 😱🙌🏾 Y’all my momma-in-love is superwoman ! She kept her house clean and meals cooked around the clock with 7 kids 😱 I truly didn’t appreciate the blessing my momma-in-love was until I was going on my 2nd child 😩😭 If you are reading this, I love you Chandra Dillon, thank you for putting up with me all these years 🤣 Ok back to the story because Aaron was raised like this he expected the same from me. However staying home and not contributing financially was NOT for me. I wanted more freedom in our finances. So when I expressed to Aaron how being at home with no job made me feel we came up with a practical solution. I could get a job but the job would have to be flexible so that my family life isn’t too strained. I would need to be able to drop off and pick up the kids from school and still get them to their activities because at the time Aaron’s job was pretty demanding and he wouldn’t be able to do it .We also decided with both of us working full time we would split household responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. 🙌🏾 Y’all this practical solution changed the trajectory of our marriage! We were no longer operating in what OTHER PEOPLE thought was best for us but operating in what truly worked best for US! 👏🏾🙌🏾 And that is a whole sermon for another day ! LMBO🤣
Have you conquered healthy communication in your marriage? Drop some of your knowledge in the comments below!
Until next time,